Should I stay or should I go? Questions to ask yourself if you’re unsure about your relationship

There are moments in a relationship where something just doesn’t feel quite right. Not necessarily wrong enough to leave, but not right enough to feel settled either. You might find yourself going back and forth: “Maybe it’s just a phase.”, “What if I’m expecting too much?”, “But what if I walk away and regret it?”.

This in-between space can feel exhausting – full of doubt, second-guessing, and emotional tension. But the answer isn’t always about making a quick decision. Sometimes it’s about slowing down and asking yourself the right questions.

1. How do I feel most of the time in this relationship?

Not just on the good days, or the difficult ones, but overall.

Do you feel:

• Calm or on edge?
• Valued or overlooked?
• Safe to be yourself, or like you have to filter who you are?

Relationships naturally have ups and downs, but your baseline feeling matters. It often tells you more than any single moment.

2. Can I be fully myself here?

Over time, many people start to shrink parts of themselves to keep the peace or maintain connection.

You might notice:

• Holding back your thoughts or feelings
• Avoiding certain topics
• Feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough”

Ask yourself gently:
Do I feel accepted for who I am, or who I think I need to be?

3. Are my needs being acknowledged, by me and by them?

This isn’t just about whether your partner meets your needs, but whether those needs are clear in the first place.

Consider:

• Do I know what I need in a relationship?
• Do I communicate those needs openly?
• When I do, how are they received?

Sometimes uncertainty comes not from the relationship itself, but from disconnection from our own needs.

4. What keeps me here?

This is a powerful question, and one to approach without judgment.

Is it:

• Love and genuine connection?
• Shared history or comfort?
• Fear of being alone?
• Hope that things might change?

There’s no right answer here. But understanding your reasons can bring clarity to your situation.

5. Have I seen willingness to grow, in myself and in them?

All relationships require effort and adjustment.

Ask yourself:

• When issues arise, are they acknowledged or avoided?
• Is there openness to change, or is there resistance?
• Am I also willing to reflect on my part?

It’s not about perfection, but about whether growth feels possible, together or individually.

6. Am I staying out of fear, or choosing this relationship?

There’s a difference between choosing a relationship and feeling unable to leave it.

Fear might sound like:

• “What if I never find anyone else?”
• “I’ve already invested so much time.”
• “Starting again feels overwhelming.”

Choice feels more like:

• “I want to be here, even when it’s hard.”

Gently noticing which one feels more familiar can be revealing.

7. If nothing changed, how would I feel a year from now?

Sometimes we stay because of what could be, rather than what is.

Imagine the relationship exactly as it is today, one year from now.

• Would you feel content?
• Resigned?
• Frustrated?
• At peace?

This isn’t about predicting the future, but about being honest with yourself in the present.

A gentle reminder

There isn’t always a clear or immediate answer to “Should I stay or should I go?”

It’s okay to feel unsure. It’s okay to take your time. And it’s okay for clarity to come gradually, rather than all at once.

This isn’t about making the perfect decision, it’s about making a decision that feels honest and aligned with you.

If you’re feeling stuck…

Exploring these questions on your own can be helpful, but it can also feel overwhelming to hold it all in your head. If you’d like support with exploring the answers to these questions, counselling offers a space to:

• Talk things through without pressure or judgment
• Untangle your thoughts and feelings
• Gain clarity at your own pace

Have a look at my Relationship Support page for more information on how I can help you.

Until next time,

Becky