How your self-esteem can affect your love life

We’re so good at giving love to others, but not always good at giving the same love to ourselves. But why?

I spent most of my teens and early 20s hating myself.  I didn’t believe I was worthy of love, or anything else for that matter – I didn’t think I was pretty enough, I didn’t feel I fitted in, and felt lucky, and grateful, if any boy looked at me twice.  I had very few friends and my confidence was at an all-time low.

I’m sharing that so you know that I know what it feels like to not love yourself, and also how hard it can be to start loving yourself when you think you don’t deserve it.  But if you think you don’t deserve it, then you’re more likely to attract partners who treat you how you believe you deserve to be treated – like crap, to put it bluntly!

If a friend, or even a stranger, told you they hated themselves, would you tell them that they were right? That they were ugly or too shy and not worthy of being loved?

Of course you wouldn’t!

You’d point out all the qualities they had that made them a loveable and worthwhile person. 

And yet, we can find it so hard to accept and acknowledge the qualities we have ourselves that make us loveable and worthwhile.

As RuPaul (of Drag Race fame) says, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else?”.  And, by the same token, how do you expect someone else to love you when you don’t feel like you deserve to be loved?

By recognising the loveable qualities that you have (and you do have some, I promise!) you begin to create a more positive image of yourself, and start a journey of self-acceptance in which you feel happy and confident in yourself, and worthy of being loved.

And when you feel happy, confident and relaxed in your own skin, you’ll start to attract people to you who recognise, and want to be with, people who are comfortable in who they are.  It’s a very attractive quality!  Plus, because you’ll have more respect for yourself, you’ll also become more discerning as to who you want as a partner, rather than just being with someone because they have given you some attention.

Become your own best friend.  Talk to yourself kindly and look for those loveable qualities that make you a worthwhile person, who is just as deserving of love as anyone else.

Until next time,


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