Signs that your partner may be having an affair

It can be devastating to find out your partner is having an affair, or dating multiple other people, but knowing that that is the case puts you back in control of your relationship, because you can then choose what you want to do – end the relationship, try to repair the relationship, or ignore the infidelity and continue as things are.

Something very important to remember here though is that, if you have any suspicions about your partner’s emotions or behaviour, then it is much better to have an honest and sensitive conversation with them before jumping to any conclusions.  After all, they may not be seeing anyone else and any changes in them may be due to something else completely, so going in all guns blazing accusing them of having an affair may do your relationship more harm than good, leading to a lack of trust and maybe even the end of the relationship, so tread cautiously with sensitivity and an open mind.

With that being said, here are some signs that your partner could be having an affair:

Emotional changes

• Emotionally distant: wanting to spend less time with you, or not being as communicative as they were.
• Becoming easily defensive: becoming defensive or hostile when you ask innocent questions about their activities or whereabouts.
• A change in their demeanour: seeming happier in general, or become easily annoyed.

Behavioural changes

• Secretive with their phone: hiding their screen from you when they’re using their phone, messaging or receiving/taking calls more frequently, and/or reluctance to let you share their phone or other devices with you.
• Changing their routine: spending more time away from home, starting to work late or taking unusual trips away.
• Changes in intimacy: becoming less intimate with you, or even more affectionate with you, or sudden or unusual changes in your sexual relationship.

Physical changes

• Changing their appearance: changing their grooming habits or a sudden need to improve their physical appearance, buying new clothes or dressing differently.
• Unusual expenses/purchases: unusual expenses appearing on bills, or new items they have purchased or own that you don’t recognise.

These things may all be indicators of an affair, but only you know what is usual for your relationship, so if something looks or feels different about it, it’s maybe worth addressing.

But, as I said, these relationship changes do not necessarily mean your partner is being unfaithful, and open and sensitive conversations with your partner are so important before you jump to any conclusions.

If you are having concerns about your relationship, it may also be useful to speak to someone else about it before you speak to your partner – a close friend or family member or, for a more non-judgemental approach, you may want see a counsellor to talk through your fears and concerns with someone who doesn’t know you or your partner to help look at your relationship more objectively.

You may also want to take a look at my Relationship Support page which contains information and resources that may help, or feel free to contact me for tailored one-to-one support.

In the next blog, I’ll discuss the reasons people have affairs and the effect they can have, not only on a relationship, but on all of the people involved.

Until next time,

Becky